2017 Match Reports

Evening Vags,

After what seemed like ages since we played cricket with many matches missed due to inclement weather. We were all pleased for the run out at Bentworth. With a wet pitch and wetter outfield we had no hesitation inserting AMCC.

Maxy opened up from the far end and settled in on a tidy line and length. With the pitch offering some assistance and Max’s natural away movement proved to be a winning combination with Max taking out the openers leg stump in his 3rd over. This bought their skipper to the crease who looked very organised but Max and Steve “Bill” Hyde kept the scoring rate down. Bill swinging the ball away lured the other opener into an expansive drive which was nicely held by Tom P at point. Max bowled their no.4 which left Vags firmly on top. A double change with Luke H replacing Bill and STD replacing Max continued the pressure. STD produced a great bit of footwork with an Exocet from their skipper heading straight past STD he flung out a right boot to divert it onto the stumps. With the non-striker unluckily run out. Lukey started well picking up a couple of wickets including their skipper for 30. From being well on top and looking like bowling them out for under a 100 they managed to get away from us. We lost our initiative and a 50 partnership was put together with their keeper scoring a well-made and boundary strewn 50. With the score approaching 150 Skipper bought himself on and took 2 in an over and Max finished off the innings bowling another Ancient Mariner.

Having finished the innings early Chair and Tris strode to the crease with us needing to chase down 144 off 40 odd overs. What would usually be a confident chase on a normal August pitch was not so easy. AMCC bowled very tightly, with scoring tough and value for shots because of the outfield difficult, Vags progressed slowly. Tris and Boots took the score to 50 for 1 just before the last 20 overs was called but we lost 2 wickets in as many overs to be 3 down at drinks. Skip continued to hit a few lusty blows but wickets kept going down at the other end. Skip passed 50 and was out soon after which left STD, Max and Bill too much to do with us finishing up on 111.

AMCC are a great bunch of lads but proved too strong for us on the day. We look forward to hosting them again next year.

Cheers Boots
______

AMCC 143 all out

M Mayes 9-0-24-3
L Harding 7-2-25-2
R Boote 1-0-2-2

Vags CC 111 all out

R Boote 58
STD 15
Tris 15

Good Morning Vags,

Two Home games in a row always warms the cockles of a Vagabond especially one with a beer or two inside him.

The skipper won the toss for the first time this season, in spite of overcast and humid conditions skip decided to have a bat. With the normal opening pair away; one ogling men in leathers the other off for an extended wash in Bath Trev and Jeggs started proceedings. After a good start scoring a run a minute Jeggs departed on 15 with the score at 34. The Skipper, new man James and Roscoe failed to affect the scoreboard much leaving us 4 down with Trev looking for a partner to stay with him. Emily fresh from his pugilist endeavours the night before looked for quick runs and with Trev the scoreboard started to tick over. Having hit a flurry of boundaries Emily made way for Rich Hill with a run a ball 23. Trev who was on a well compiled 36 decided to whip/slog straight to the man on the legside leaving us in poor shape at 94/6. Richie Hill hit some lusty blows and with the help of the lower order and extras we scrapped our way to 145 all out. Not a daunting score by any means but we felt if we could get some early wickets that we would have a good chance of taking the win.

After taking on board the obligatory Battenberg and coronation chicken sandwiches the Vags took to the field with the new ball pair of Perts and Emily.

Perts kicked off from the road end and their opening bat who had scored 1300 runs so far this season was bowled by a peach of a full toss that knocked back the off stump first ball. Vags could smell blood. 0/1 after the first over became 2/2 after Emily had the other opener caught by Richie Hill at mid-off. Perts started his second over and no. 3 carved one to Skip at head height who took in one handed with a little juggle H & S CC were 8/3 after 3 overs. Emily bowled their number 4 with an absolute beauty. This bought there skipper to the crease and the scoreboard showing 16/4 after 4 overs. The Vags were in jubilant mood after the fantastic start. Hook decided a counter attack was needed to wrestle the initiative back. The next few overs from went for a flurry of boundaries with chances being offered. A double bowling change bought on Bill Clinton (Stevie Hyde) and Dick Mountain and the run rate slowed. Dick bowled their skipper which put the pressure right back on Hook. Bill had one of the overs that will live long in the memory…straight one first ball that the batsmen played right across. Plumb LBW. Second ball a catch hit straight up in the air to Skip at mid-off. Hat trick ball with the No. 6 who had clubbed Perts round the park in one over was on strike. Stevie returned a dot ball. Next ball he smashed one down the throat of skip at long off and Stevie had three in an over. We circled around the last pair sensing a bit of history for Stevie who was on for 4 in an over. Fifth ball a play and miss outside off stump. Final delivery was clipped into leg slips hands on the bounce. The last pair held out for a few overs until Bill cleaned up their man Dainty with a swinging full delivery.

Hook finished on 74 all out and we were down the pub nice and early for a few beers, the Hook lads are a really good bunch and we look forward to playing them next year. Bring on Valley end next week.

Vags 145 all out

Trev 36
Rich Hill 29
Emily 23

Hook & Southborough CC 74 all Out

S Hyde 4-3-3-4
Emily 5-0-26-2
Perts 5-0-33-2
Hill 3-1-1-1

Cheers Boots

Good Afternoon Vags,

Bentworth was looking a picture with the fine weather we have had the last couple of weeks and Sunny blue skies awaited our fixture.

A scramble to put 11 Vags out this season has been a reccurring theme but with the help of some long standing members Hibbs and Nokesey we had a full strength team.

Having lost the toss again this season we were surprisingly put into bat as the wicket looked like it would deteriorate through the game and the sun was blazing down. Tris and Chair strode to the wicket both being in good form and settled into their groove early on. The opener from one end causing some trouble with a tight line and length and variable bounce. Chair was the initial aggressor looking in fine touch hitting down the ground nicely and clips off his legs a feature of his innings. As the slow bowlers came on from Crondall it became increasingly difficult to score runs with fluency. Having raced to 45 off 7 overs we slowed to 107 off 24 overs when Chair went for a well crafted 58. Skipper joined Tris at the crease and immediately the running between the wickets increased as boundaries where still tough to come by. Tris and Skip ran everything on offer, which was hard work especially when you have been on the sauce at Lords for 2 days prior. Tris continued to bat with great authority and accelerated through the latter part of his innings reaching his 50 off 70 balls and ended up unluckily on 95 not out of 106 balls. Tris and Boots put on 134 runs unbroken (Boots 44 not out) and we posted a total of 221/1 of 36 overs.

Tea supplied by the Sun was as usual a very high standard and cold showers were the order of the day for the 2 Vags.

PK opened up with STD and after some early tight overs their opener was soon into his stride and even though the runs were being scored against us he did bat very well. His partner who was more agricultural was no less effective with both reaching 50 and putting on a good opening stand. After 10 overs Crondall were on 78 for 0 and were in danger of overhauling the score with many overs to spare. Luke and Hibbs replaced the openers so we had our most successful left arm spin bowlers in partnership. Lukey bowled well in parts but we desperately needed to take some wickets and the Skipper bought himself on to see if he could burgle a few wickets. Hibbs at the other end was bowling excellently and picked up his first wicket trapping the opener for 74 plumb in front. Hibbs continued to bowl like he had never left the Vags field of play. Hibbs picked up a 2nd & 3rd and the Vags were in the game. Crondall still did not have too many worries about the run rate after their good start but the wickets were helping change the balance. Boots at the other end was just starting to find his rhythm and started to chip in picking up 3 wickets in quick succession. With the rate hovering around the 7 an over mark for the last 20 overs Crondall ended up needing 24 off 3 with 4 wickets in hand. A bit of a shame they did not give it a go and shut shop finishing on 203/6.

A draw probably the fairest result in the end;

Vags 221/1 off 36 overs
Tris 95 n/o
Chair 58
Boots 44 n/o

Crondall 203/6 off 36 overs
Hibbs 12 – 2 – 66 – 3
Boots 10 – 0 – 30 – 3

Cheers Boots

We organised a late scratch fixture against Weybridge C.C (a proper cricket club with thousands of colts running round in their pyjamas and South Africans drinking all night the night before and still seeing the ball like a balloon the following day)

pretty sure we lost the toss….
put in/elected to field and promptly went about being spanked all round the park by aforementioned South African.

Mike bowled very nice lines and the bowling stats are not a fair representation of how well he did bowl. more a representation of how settle the batsmen found themselves on a nice road with a true bounce and very little movement on a glorious sunny breezy day with no moisture in the air.
Max was the only bowler who could keep the scoring below 10 an over.

M.Gale 10 – 0 – 73 – 0
M.Mayes 6 – 0 – 47 – 1
W.Perton 5 – 0 – 55 -1
L.Harding 3 – 0 – 33 – 0
R.Boote 2 – 0 – 32 – 0

Catches: Boote, Davidson

Weybridge took just 26 overs to move beyond 250 and declared well before tea.

Tea was of an “Ok to Good” standard 6.5/10

After the extended tea break taken by Weybridge (in part due to the deciding T20 on the Telly between England and SA) the track remained a road for the second innings and consequently our openers went about building a stable response during a long first wicket partnership. but weybridge could not take wickets quick enough and we finished off in a respectable draw having played the conditions well in the second innings.

Some runs for Trev- 10, Tris- 28, Mike- 32, Bootes- 29 and a half century for Luke- 68.

We finished not out on 185 for 6 with time enough for a roast in Esher.

Perts

Morning Chaps,

After what has seemed like an age (but in reality was really only a couple of weeks) we returned to our spiritual home at Bentworth. Our opposition were a new team to us this season Pyestock. We really didn’t know what to expect. What we got was a really great bunch of lads, good players, good spirit and a very enjoyable day.

As has become traditional the Skip lost the toss (according to the Chairman we have lost every toss this season) and we were asked to bowl first on a fairly blustery but warm day.

Starting were our usual opening pair of W Perton and M Gale. Both bowled very well on a relatively docile pitch. They made the ball swing a little and both created the odd chance but they either didn’t go to hand or went to hand and got dropped/missed/ swatted at in a childlike fashion. Perts did account for one of their openers fairly early. A good ball seaming back and clipping the top of middle stump. Changes soon came at both ends, Luke H on for Perts and the skipper on for Mikey. By this time their number 2 had got himself in nicely and was punishing everything off line or length. With very little margin for error the run rate soon rose. It was only kept in check by some excellent fielding by the likes of Frazer J and Paul A who spent most of the innings running! Luke got one wicket with an lbw and the skipper then got 1 with a good catch taken by Trius. Unfortunately for us their number 2 was still going and by this time had moved his and his teams score on to 120 for 4. Changes soon came at both ends with Stuey D coming on for the skipper and Perts replacing Luke H. Pyestock’s batsmen then played around their well set number 2 and they took the score onto 250 odd with said batsman finally falling for 156 to a great catch by Tom P on the boundary off Stuey. It was a great performance by their batter and the score, although gettable would prove a very tough ask.

Tea as usual was delicious, Coronation Chicken sandwiches a welcome addition….

Trius and the Chairman strode out to bat and were met with some very accurate bowling. The chair had the misfortune to get really good ball in his first over which accounted for his middle stump! In came the skipper and he looked settled and looked to finally be finding some form, a big six straight and a few more well struck boundaries gave us cause for hope but their bowlers were bowling very well. Lots of movement and a very tight line with little to hit meant we had to make all the running. The skip fell for 30 to a good slower ball and this essentially spelt the end for us. All the following batsmen got ‘in’ and got going but their bowlers just kept plugging away and got far more out of the pitch than we did.

Stuey D came in at 10 to try to save the game for us and smashed it everywhere. A couple of huge sixes to follow up his impressive performance against Marlow last week suggest that he could have a great future as an allrounder. Tom P carried his bat for 28 which is all the more impressive given he hadn’t batted for well over a year!

In the end we saved the game although it would be fair to call it a ‘losing’ draw as we ended a long way behind on runs. It was really only time that conspired against Pyestock. They bowled really well and were too good for us on the day. Hopefully we will have an opportunity to put things right next season.

We all headed to the pub for a good little session and some fine roasting. All in all a good day and most enjoyable.

Roll on the next one….

Luke H

Many years back, when these old oaks
were young, it was the
golden age of exploration. Back then, a time which only a
few (unnamed) Vags
may remember, man ventured beyond the horizon not know what
was there. New
lands and exotic materials were discovered, well maybe not
discovered as there
were people there already, but discovered by new people with
guns and flags who
could then claim they discovered these places.

Much as Van Diems land was once
thought of as the end of
world and a gate way to hell, which being Ricky Ponting’s
homeland doesn’t seem
too unreasonable, Little Marlow is about as far north as the
Vags doth venture.
Actually, Little Marlow wasn’t too hard to find and 9 of
us assembled for a 2pm
start. We were already one down due to a late injury, but
somebody had ‘woken
up lost in St Johns Wood’. Obviously due to data
protection laws he cannot be
named, but it meant we had to pull in PK to open the
bowling.

Despite a decent start, both PK and
Emily could not break
through the stoic opening pair. Eventually, after an
eternity in the changing
rooms, our anonymous missing bowler arrived and took the
field.

In unrelated events, William Perton
took a wicket with his
first ball. It seems he has recently been taking coaching
lessons from another
Vagabond and his open ball was what can only be described as
‘Scottish Fast’
bowling, and the poor chap was out plumb LBW.

Despite some decent fielding and
some appalling fielding;
the highlight being PK going for a textbook long barrier
only for the ball the
bounce a few feet over his head, we struggled for wickets.
Emily got a nice one
on his second spell and PK (I think?) took a decent catch
out on the boundary
from STD’s bowling. However, hats off to the Little Marlow
batsman who managed
171, a fantastic effort under any circumstances. The final
score by tea was 284-3
off of 40ish overs.

Tea was very good, a nice selection
of sarnies. Hot food and
cake. Fresh pineapple was a particularly nice addition.

As chair (stand in skipper for the
day) and young Emily strode
out to start our repost, slightly greyer clouds start to
arrive over the Red Kites
and a few specks of rain could be felt. Everyone put in a
decent effort with the
Bat, with Emily, Jeggs, Arturo and Stewie all reaching into
the thirties. One
of Stuarts sixes was measured at over 150 meters! Although
that might not quite
be entirely accurate. The pick of the batsmen was Luke
Harding with a well
worked 48, before he fell at the end. Despite a few
promising patches bringing
hopes of an unlikely victory up, we fell 30 short with a few
overs to go, if we
had 11 men who knows what could have been possible! Perton
protected his
average with 1 not out.

Comrades, this should not be seen as
a defeat. We fought
valiantly and the positives by far outweighed the negatives.
The traditional
post-match analysis over protein roasts and isotonic sports
beers was held. Apart
from for Emily, who got asked for ID that he didn’t have,
so had to settle for
a horrible sugar filled ‘soft drink’. I have never seen
someone having pure
mixer without a spirit, but each to their own I
guess.

Until next week when we return to
Bentworth, Pip Pip!

Email replies:

Response from PK:
Top work as ever Jeggs
although I do feel I must set the record straight that
despite Emily’s fine bowling and trapping the opening
bat into a valiant ‘slog’ I did in fact …… drop
said catch attributed to me I’m just glad it wasn’t
when he was on 2 runs !!! Oh and happy to show anyone how to
avoid a cricket ball at head height whilst using the long
barrier 👍

Good Evening Vags,

A hastily arranged fixture by Baz (great work) on Friday with Hawkley CC after Newport dropped out proved to be a master stroke…..Hawkley Inn = Great Pub. Hawkley Cricket ground = Beautiful ground. Hawkley CC = Great bunch of guys.

We started the day with 10 with a new recruit having to drop out due to dog sitting duties…..enough said!

Meeting for pre-game beers at the Hawkley Inn which is a proper pub, 7 different beers on tap, a proper pub that Camra would be proud of. Meeting at a ground with a stunning vista, a blue sky to boot. Young Jack from the oppo who guested for us meant we had 11. The day had started well. Skip continued tossing all the way to the wicket but still couldn’t win and we were inserted onto a wicket that was a little tacky from overnight rain. With the Sun and a steady breeze the wicket was only going to improve.

Tris and Chair strode to the wicket for the 4th time this season and made a good start to a track which was slow and accentuated by their slow accurate bowling. After some lusty blows by the Chair he was snaffled in the field and Boots soon followed him back to the hutch with 42 on the board. Trev and Tris continued to manipulate the strike to keep the scoreboard ticking over with Tris continuing his good form from last year. Unfortunately Tris fell one run short of his 50. The young Rich K joined Trev and started to move the scoring rate along with Mr Kearney smashing a few over the boundary until Trev, a number of years Mr K’s senior, ended up running him out. Trev ran through the situation with Richie later and mentioned he should have ran his bat in….. Lukey, after much early moaning that this was not Bentworth and wishing rain upon us at every moment, had started to mellow by this stage. Pedals took two balls to get his eye in and bearing in mind the score was 95 with 27 overs gone…the assault that took place over the next 13 overs was savage. It was that ferocious the assault, the local bobby tried to arrest Luke to give Hawkley a chance. In particular the skipper who was hit for a sequence of 144464644 but kept himself on for 6 overs and did eventually get Lukey but not until 63 runs were to his name including a 19 ball 50. The score had moved onto 204 and their skipper had been savaged for 60 off 5 overs. Trev ended with a well compiled 52 not out and tea taken at 16.39 the Vags had amassed 217/6.

An epic tea followed our run gluttony and we even managed to get out on the ground on time.

We took to the field in confident mode with PK back from Fatherly duties and Perts opening the bowling and a dry pitch with a bit of carry. Boots shelled one at gully 3rd ball, from then on we put in a good performance in the field with Rich K and John “Mr Tickles” (Tickles for short) took 2 catches each. Tickles took a great catch low down in the covers to remove the opener and Perts had his first of the day. Perts had a peculiar look in his eyes this week which I later found out was due to him getting a solid 8 hours sleep before the game and was feeling refreshed. PK was finding his line and length and with Perts they took the first 4 wickets for 30 and PK ended up with 1/36 and STD replaced him down the hill. Perts had the ball on the end of a string by this stage and was making life really uncomfortable for the Hawkley batters and set up their skipper beautifully after he carved Perts over the cover fielders for 4. Changing tact Perts went round the wicket and bowled an away swinging Yorker which splayed the off stump bat and a very excitable/angry Welhelm ran celebrating towards us. Perts ended up with a well deserved 5 for 25. A great spell, fella. Lukey had the best of days as Richie Benaud once exclaimed after Devon Malcolm had taken his 8th wicket in a snarling spell of fast bowling against the South African’s “What a Day”. This is exactly what Pedals had taken the last 3 wickets to finish the game and a convincing win by the Vags by 83 runs.

What a day both Perts and Lukey had, stunning ground, friendly club and we won a perfect day!

Vagabonds 217/6

Trev 52 n/o
Lukey 63

Hawkley CC 134 all out
Perts 5 for 25
Lukey 3 for 24

Cheers,

Boots

Good Afternoon Vags,

Our second game in 2 years where we had a warm sunny day at the Brigands, anyone who has not played there it is a beautiful picturesque ground but it can be very cold as it is on top of a hill.

I duly lost the toss and we were put into bat, I am thinking of giving up tossing. I seem to be regressing with each passing year.

Tris and Chair opened for third week in a row and started slowly but without too much alarm against the Brigands opening pair. And this is how it carried on against the rest of the Brigands attack on a pitch that is painfully slow and offering something to the bowlers. They both played exceptionally well. Tris was very strong down the ground all day coupled with Chairs nice drives through cover and picking runs off his legs we were moving towards the 200 mark for the second time this year. Tris and Chair were eventually parted having put on 170 runs for the first wicket (still 59 short of the 1st wicket best partnership for Vags). Chair the man out with a well made 77 runs a Vags best and with a pulled quad to boot. Trev and myself had some serious pad rash by this stage with the wicket falling nearly 2 hours after we started. Trev unfortunately perished in pursuit of quick runs for the cause. Tris continued to hit straight and with Boots we ended up on 213/2 which thought this would be enough with a tricky pitch to bat on and runs on the board. Tris finished on 95 not out and even though he deserved a ton being the team man he is, the result was more important. Tris’s words not mine….

As always at the Brigands the teas were of a very high standard with Victoria sponge and homemade scones winning the day.

We had our youngest opening bowlers on show with Maxi fresh from a 10 hour Art GCSE in the week on extreme weather. Perts bringing his own localised weather system with him gave the Brigands batsmen a difficult time early on with Perts bowling maiden after maiden with an excellent line and length. Maxi was swinging the ball and picked up the opener with a hooping full toss which STD clung onto at short mid-on. Balls continued to go aerial and Perts picked up a deserved wicket in his 7th over finishing his spell on 8-4-17-1. STD, Richie Hill and Luke kept things going but too many runs were leaking. In the space of 14 overs the Brigands put on 114 runs and lost one wicket in the process. A good start from the Vags was looking like it could be undone with strong partnerships from the Brigands middle order. New man Alex Henshall came onto bowl his medium fast away swingers and started to trouble the batsmen with late movement. Alex took his 1st Vags wicket LBW to an absolute peach that swung in to the well set left hander. Boots was expensive at the other end but managed to pick up the wicket off the no. 5 who had made a quick 36. This game was now looking interesting with Brigands still in the box seat. A boundary off my last delivery meant the oppo needed 7 runs off 2 overs but with 2 new batsmen at the crease. Alex H to bowl the 2nd last over and started off with a wide and then bowled 6 out swingers that they could only scramble 2 runs. 4 runs off the last and a change of bowler. “Perts do you fancy it?” “Yes Skip”. A little mean as we had this discussion as we are changing ends but Perts was as keen as mustered….ish. Perts into bowl and a dot ball, 2nd ball they scramble a run followed by another dot ball. 3 balls and 3 runs needed. Perts charges in up the hill and bends back the off stump of the Brigands Skipper to Vags delirium. 3 needed of 2 balls. Another dot ball and then a catch to mid-on where Tris crowned a great match personally. It felt like a victory and I am sure in a few years down the pub it will be a victory but a draw was probably a fair reflection with the Brigands ending up on 211/7.

A really cracking game of cricket that fluctuated throughout.

Vagabonds 213/2

Tris 95 not out
Chair 77

Brigands 211/7

Perts 9-4-18-3

Good Morning Vags,

We opened the newly spruced pavilion not with that Sunny and warm weather we had all hoped but a cold, wet and windy day. The new carpets and chairs have all been Christened with grass, mud and the like….the changing room already feels like home!

Perts installed the new Ladies, Gents signs and Home and Away plaques which are very fetching in the Vags Pink and Red they did not seem to fit anywhere on the door or even next to the doors but having spoken to Perts he says this sort of measuring is quite normal for Kenners. I think we will have the new scoreboard installed for the next home game on the 14th May.

Skipper lost the toss and we were invited to bat which looked green but a dry pitch looked like a good decision for the Vags….light drizzle accompanied our two limpets Chair and Tris. With a slow start and Tris and Boots back in the pavilion with 25 on the board Emily joined Chair at the crease and put together a wonderful partnership (108) with plenty of boundaries and increasing our run rate. Emily ended on a well-made 66 which bought Tom W to the crease and he bought all of his vigour and quick runs with him. Chair was out soon after on a well compiled 43 and was replaced by “bruv” who took over his own calling this week which resulted in an extended stay at the crease. Lukey put on vital runs on the board with Tom W and some lusty blows from Dick Mountain meant we finished up on 211/5. Tea was supplied by Jez and the team at the Sun and we can all confirm the tasty Tea’s will continue.

The weather improved during our fielding display as we came up against an unorthodox opener who had a habit of trying to sweep most deliveries and their skipper. They batted with some luck (couple of drop catches) but also played some good shots and took the score to 50 without loss, Tom W replaced Emily at one end and Perts kept working relentlessly at the road end. This pressure finally saw a break through with Perts bowling the “sweeper”. A double change with Dick Mountain and Pedals operating together the scoreboard pressure starting to tell. Pedals bowling one of those spells with dip and turn caused the batsmen some real issues our fielding not helping as more catches went down…..but a stunner from Emily and a juggling effort from Boots kept the wickets tumbling. With the sky over Bentworth turning black and the rain returning we decided to leave the field with OUHC on 141/7 with 6 overs left to bowl. Special mention must go for Max’s fielding which was brilliant throughout and Lukey for picking up the Vags first five for the 2017 season.

You would like to think the final overs would have given us the last 3 wickets so a winning draw and onto the fabled home of cricket next week.

Vagabonds 211/5

Chair 43
Emily 66
Tom W 22
Pedals 27 n/o
Rich H 22 n/o

UOHC 141/7

Perts 10-3-20-1
R Hill 5-1-24-1
Pedals 5-0-23-5

There is an old saying: ‘If there’s grass on the wicket, let’s play cricket!’ and after spate of particularly fine weather the grass was looking and fine and so the 2017 crickets seasons virginity was ripe for plucking.

After a winter of global discontent, the resumption of the glorious game brings some much needed normality and stability to a world divided. It is not known if President Trump has ever played cricket, but if he had I am sure he would be the best. The bestest at the batting. Nobody knows bowling like him. He has all the best balls. As it stands, he is not on the vags mailing list, although with increased cyber surveillance I am sure he will be reading this.

11 intrepid Vagabonds ventured for a match away at Dogmersfield. Some had not changed much over the winter, some had grown somewhat. Max Mayes had shot up (evidenced by his whites now stopping at the top if his shins), Jeggings (rounder) and Perton (grown more immature, if possible). The outcome of the toss was that we were to take to the field with Sweet William to open the bowling. It may not have his best ever spell, but he certainly made an impact on the opposition, but mainly in decibels. A varied number of shouts went up while he was in the field: “That could have been caught by LITERALLY anyone” (in response to a well left bowl), “great lines there, you’ve almost got him” (wide ball called) and “does anyone have any fags” (nicotine withdrawals). These shouts from the boundary reminded us why will love William, and when he manged to gob on his own shoes we were reminded that actually we don’t.

Away from Perton’s antics, Emily bowled nicely (7-1-34-2), Lukey boy got a nice pair (6-2-17-2) and newly crowned bowler of the year Max Mayes got one wicket off of his nicely bowled 7 overs. However the pick of the bowlers was former Colombian gangster Mikey ‘Cementos’ took 3 wickets off of his 8 overs. Nice going from the social sec there. Stuart bowled with great anger and one point it is rumoured he managed almost over 30mph, a new Scottish record. The Chair was looking like Darcy Bussel in her balletic prime as his jumped and dived elegantly behind the stumps. Ultimately we couldn’t quite get them all out and they ended up in 183-9, a few rusty moments but some encouraging feeling and nice catching from Emily out on the boundary gave us a glimmer of hope.
For those of you that have not been to Dogmersfield before, the ground is situated in a lovely area surrounded by woodland and fields. Since Stevie Hyde started visiting the local horse population has taken a hammering (in several ways), as such he is banned from this fixture.

Tea was fine.

And so it came to the first chance to get some batting done. The national bookmakers had stopped taking bets on who will win this seasons Duckie award, but in a shock for all Jeggings did not get off to best start in keeping hold of the title that has become his historic birth right by actually scoring a run or more! However, earlier on in the innings James and Trius got us off to a solid start, before some nice cameos from Emily and the Skip, whilst Richard Kearney was the pick of the batsmen with a swashbuckling 35. However, a flurry of later wickets meant we were all out about 40 short with 5 overs left.

The high level post-match analysis took place over some homeopathic beers and isotonic sports roasts. Richard Kearney lost the respect of the team after failing to finish his roast. Behaviour like this will not be tolerated and he has been reported to the ERB (English Roast Board).

Next week we return to a newly refurbished spiritual home at Bentworth. Until then, pip-pip!